As Valentineโs Day has come and gone, and so are most ofย theย messages about romance, plus size lingerie, pole and/orย lap dance classes. But what could happen if you were to embrace your sensuality all year round?
Thereโs one problem with all this hype aroundย โfinding your sexyโย andย โbeing sexy for your loveโ,ย it doesnโt last. You take one class, you buy a new lingerie set, you invest all this energy in maintaining the illusion of sensuality, and then it falls to pieces days later.
Why?
Because most people donโt know how and donโt want to talk about what it takes to create a sustainable relationship with your powerย (or โsexyโ in my world)ย that carries you from day to day.
Iโll be honest Valentineโs Day is actually one of my favorite times of year! I value this time of year as an opportunity to reboot my own self-love practice,ย remind myself to take my pleasure seriouslyย and embrace the healing power of stepping into my sensuality.
You might not hear sensuality and healing in the same sentence, but in sensual dance classes at The Messy Movement Lab, itโs an unbreakable intersection that we sit in every week we come to the dance floor.
I want to share 10 unconventional ways for you to embrace the healing power of your sensuality so you can feel like a bombshell, everyday.
10 Ways To Embrace Your Sensuality Beyond Valentineโs Day
1. Throw out what you know about sensuality.
The true definition of sensuality is to be viscerally connected, open, raw, vulnerable, reachable, and penetrable. Sensuality is the opposite of numbness.
Our sensual energy is fuel that we have access to throughout our daily lives, that gives us the power to call us out of autopilot mode, so we truly live. To be sensual, is to feel life coursing through your veins, anything less is to be disconnected.
We have been taught that having a sensual connection to our bodies is unnecessary or, at the very least, at the bottom of the priority list when it comes to life. Shifting out of that mindset takes effort and devotion, but the reward is tremendous once youโve awakened your body out of numbness.
2. Shine Light on Negative Thoughts + Habits
The biggest obstacle in embracing your sensuality is how you think about yourself. Sexy starts from within. We have to be in a place of peace, joy, and radiance in our internal lives in order to truly stand in our power. Itโs when we are coming from this place that we ooze with effortless confidence and grace. The more you are willing to face yourself, the more you will begin to feel yourself shine!
Facing yourself requires identifying the junk thoughts that you are harboring about yourself and your life. When you can truly shine a light on those limiting beliefs and make space for a new truth to emerge, thatโs when you will feel the shift. When I faced my own past and my insecurities, I felt the weight stretching for perfection fall off me. Unmasking the self-loathing habits that we often donโt want to acknowledge is the first step to freedom.
3. Undo The Stories Youโve Been Told About Your Sexuality
Whatโs the story that you were told about pleasure and sexuality while you were growing up? What things about sex do you hold on to today as โtruthโ even if it makes you feel a bit limited?
A great way to identify the underlying story around embracing your sensuality is to look at the women who were prominent in your life growing up and think about their relationship to their bodies and to love.
Were they always dieting? Did they constantly comment about their weight? Did they take exceptional care of themselves? Were they constantly making up and breaking up with someone? Did you ever see them go on dates or were they very distant from socializing?
All of these different stories can be lodged in your own subconscious and feed the way that you allow yourself to express your sensuality now. Explore and play with your expression and see what feels good for you start to shape your own vision of what it would like for you to be a fully expressed sensual woman.
There is no right or wrong here.
4. Clear Out Time In Your Schedule For Self-Care
When I gather with the Woman Untamed students, I constantly remind them that self-care is a priority to feel vibrant. If you wait until something goes wrong to take care of you, then you arenโt valuing your temple.
Imagine it like this: your cell phone is fairly new, so it has a decent battery life. Throughout your day, you use Facebook and Instagram, check your emails, text your loved ones, and make a few calls.
Since itโs a new battery, you might be able to get away without charging it that night, but the longer you go without recharging, the slower the system operates. We are the same way. We literally need to stop and plug into our power source.
5. Create A Practice of Surrendering
There is nothing that gets in the way of us feeling electrified by our sensuality than holding on to deadweight, anger, doubt, and confusion. Make it a point that each day you will begin with fresh eyes and a new outlook. If you have to name the things that are heavy on your heart, write it out on a list and then repeat to yourself:
โI let go of all thatโs not serving my highest good so I can step into my light. I do not have to carry this weight alone.โ
Rashida
6. Treat your body like you cherish her.
Every so often, when I buy flowers for myself, I keep the old flowers and line the room with rose petals leading into the bathroom. Iโll light some candles and throw rose petals in the water, and put on my favorite music. This little gesture creates a memory in my muscles of pleasure and rest for those times when I am unbearably tense.
Too often, we keep going through our day-to-day lives, pushing ourselves to the point where we are running on fumes. We treat self-care like a reward instead of a necessity. When you shift out of that mentality and allow yourself to see self-care as an integral part of being able to do the work that you do every day, you will feel a significant difference in your connection to your body.
7. Forgiveness Is The Path To Pleasure and Rekindling Intimacy with Your Beloved
Our unwillingness to forgiveโto let goโ justifies not doing the real work.ย If we can hang on to the pain of the problem long enough, we donโt actually have to do the healing work necessary to open our hearts again.
Learning the lesson is the easy part of going through romantic trials. Learning the lesson and not allowing the pain to numb or embitter the heart is where the real work comes in.
We use our stories of unforgiveness as a shield to block intimacy with our partners and with God. We know that if we wipe the slate clean, if we drop the problem, if we forgive, we will become vulnerable. And weโve been taught that vulnerability makes us look stupid, weak, broken, desperate, unworthy, and thatโs, of course, the last thing we need.
But really, vulnerability is our greatest strength.
8. Your Soul is not a Sacrifice For Someone Elseโs Healing.
Stop giving so much. Better yet, let me say this: stop giving so much to the wrong people that you end up depleted and lifeless. There is nothing that disconnects us from our power faster than pouring our precious energy into empty barrels. When you are giving to the right people, there is an energetic exchange that is undeniable.
Too many of us have learned self-sacrificing as our primary love language. Itโs a toxic and destructive habit that we need to burn down immediately. We can give to the point where we make ourselves sick, and thatโs not a benefit for anyone.
Learn when to say no and trust that those who respect and cherish you will honor your boundaries without question or hesitation.
9. Practice Loving Kindness to Your Body No Matter What
When I first recognized that I was developing stretch marks on my stomach, I had to slow down for a moment. I knew that I had been under some pressure and picked up some weight, and I didnโt want to be hard on myself. So instead of freaking out, I just took some pictures to capture that moment.
It felt good, and I want to encourage you to do the same. You donโt have to share these with anyone if you donโt desire, but whatever part of your body is making you feel most self-conscious, photograph it from different angles. Then,ย in your downtime, write some loving affirmations to yourself to look at when you start getting in your head again.
10. Make time + space for romance with your beloved and/or self
Finally, if you are a busy busy soul like I am, constantly moving from one project to the next, you could spend an entire day working away. In order for love, romance, and intimacy to show up, we actually have to make room for it! Remember, we make time for the things that are important to us.
Whether you are single or head over heels in love, make space in your schedule to unwind.
Turn off the computer, slow-cook a delicious dinner in nothing but some ripped-up fishnets, grab your favorite playlist, sink into the moment, and embrace your sensuality. You wonโt regret it.
About Rashida Webb-Miller
Rashida Webb-Miller (Formerly Known as Rashida KhanBey Miller), pronouns (she/Temptress), Performing Artist, Sensual Movement Expert and Author of โA Return To Pleasureโ hails from the southside of Chicago, IL. Alum to Mother McAuley High School and University of Illinois at Chicago Theatre Department. And raised in the pews of Trinity United Church of Christ. Rashida serves as the CEO of The Messy Movement Lab ยฎ an online sensual wellness studio for feminine-spectrum people supporting a global student base.
